Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
