Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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