and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
