i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
