I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
