Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
