i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
