I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize