this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize