Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
