I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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