She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
