my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
