Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
