I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
