I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
