capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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