Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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