I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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