dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
