Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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