At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
