the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
