i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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