Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
