im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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