Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
