there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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