what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
