i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
