Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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