Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
