my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
