I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
