when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
