you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
