All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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