I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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