Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Randomize
