youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
