I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
