I wish life had little blips of pornography
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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