We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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