she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you will always have a special place in my vag
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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