i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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