just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
