so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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