just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
