my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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