just come out here and I will go home with you...
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
