i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
