just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
