My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
