had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
