If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
