you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
