I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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