i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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