The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
