I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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