I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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