If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its not stalking. its research.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize