just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
