dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
