i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
