I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
